limited

I’m limited.

I mean, obviously. If you know me, or read this blog and follow my story you know all about my limitations. I get that I’m an amputee, but does it have to get in my way?

I can buy groceries, shop for Christmas, jostle for a place in the long line at Starbucks, revise that damn book, drive my kids to their activities and I might be cranky by dinner but I’ll have accomplished so much. I think I can do this. I have done it, but I’ll pay.

If I keep pace with my mind I’ll do it all, but my body can’t keep up. My legs defy me and my skin breaks down or that crazy-assed phantom pain makes an appearance. I am one of the lucky few amputees out there that rarely deal with phantom pain, however, if the trigger is pulled my ghost feet begin to hurt like someone has skewered my legs. (Paints a lovely picture doesn’t it?)

I’ve accepted I’m an amputee – it’s just that I forget. And then I’m surprised when I’m restricted, when my body protests, especially when I’ve spent so much time overcoming. I’ve proven to everyone, but mostly to me, that I can do this. Just watch me.

I don’t like to feel ‘less than’.

I’m not the only one with limits, though. I haven’t met one person who does it all, not with some repercussion. Everyone is limited, restricted, handicapped in some form. It’s good to be aware, to know what we’re capable of, how far we can go, and when it’s time to stop. I don’t need to be a superhero, even a superhero with cool steel legs.

I can do almost anything I want. And I’m a better person for it.

Swept up

in my new boots!
Love, love my Fluevogs

8 thoughts on “limited

  1. IntenseGuy

    If all of us could do “it all” – the world would be a dull, challenge-less place…

    Sometimes, I wouldn’t mind a few less handicaps of my own and wish some of my friends weren’t handicapped at all – but then I get to thinking – would they still be my friends if they weren’t handicapped the way they are? Would I still admire them for their courage and ability to overcome the hurdles that their handicap places in front of them? Would being able to hear a pin drop – make my life better than it is? I don’t think so… but we are what we are and what we make of ourselves – and I’ll never find out what not being handicapped would be like – for myself and others.
    Would you inspire others like you do, Heidi, if the accident had never happened?
    Would treasure the “normal things” that you hold dear, any more if it hadn’t happened?
    We will never know – will we?

  2. Toriz

    I completely understand; and I’m not just saying it… Really! I know from experience how frustrating it is when you’re feeling like you can do everything everyone else can and then something happens to remind you of your limitations. I know how it feels to want to do it all, and to have to ask for help when you remember that you can’t – and why you can’t – even though you don’t want to ask for help. I also know how it feels when people realize you have a handicap and act as though there’s no way you could do those things, even though some of them you actually can without any issues. Like I said; I understand!

  3. Alexis

    If ONLY doing it all were possible!! I heard somewhere, “You can do it all, you just can’t do it all at once.”

    I saw on Twitter that you finished your manuscript – YEA!! Congrats!!! Can’t wait to read it someday! 🙂

    I am also going insane without The Vampire Diaries. HOW CAN WE WAIT NEXT YEAR!!???

    In response to you comment (via my blog 🙂 ) – I just saw Breaking Dawn, they totally should have had the wolves fight in their human form…that scene was not okay.

  4. Kate Coveny Hood

    How many weeks behind am I on blog reading?! yikes. Love your boots and LOVE your ability to admit limits and just move on – it’s something I find myself doing every day… So we’re all in it together.

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