motionless

I was consumed with a calling. This calling came with a voice. Write, dig deeper, delete, write. Phrases and purpose filled my head and filled me. This is what I’m supposed to do. This is what I have to do. I fell in and out of love. I got goosebumps. I cried. When I was unsure, and felt like I was not cut out for this, I put my memoir down and it wasn’t long before a question demanded to be answered, a chapter needed to be completed, and I’d return to the computer.

When you’re consumed with a calling and that calling comes to an end, the voice satisfied, what do you do when purpose leaves? Instead of relishing the quiet I panic, worried about how I’m going to fill the void. I was busy making a tragedy count. I was busy pursuing. Focused, I wrote. I received criticism. I harassed agents. I found a publisher. I revised. What happens when the pursuit is over?

You can read the rest of this post here. I’m with the wonderful community at Studio30 Plus and I’m honored to be one of their featured writers today. Studio30 is a great way to connect with fellow writers as you find support, advice and inspiration for your writing. See you there as I figure out what to do when purpose leaves.

13 thoughts on “motionless

  1. Jodi

    Hello Heidi,
    My name is Jodi and I am a new reader. I am both elated and sad that I just found your blog. Elated to discover your incredible story, raw, beautiful and honest prose, and amazing perspective on life. I have gone back and read many entries and just wanted to say that the voice that comes through in your writing is truly compelling. And sad because I just moved from Vancouver to Toronto and didn’t know about you/your blog for the entire 5 years I was in Vancouver! Not that we would have necessarily crossed paths, but it nice when something you connect with is close to home. Thank you for sharing your story and I am now eagerly anticipating your book!

  2. Julia

    I have chills, girl.

    “I was busy making a tragedy count.” This, I want to carry with me. There is so much to be said from this sentence.

    I am so very proud of you, inspired by you, and am nodding my head as I read these words.

    Because, yes, the grand is grand. But there absolutely is worth in the in-between.

    Love this.

  3. Kerstin

    Great post.
    “Life isn’t razor-sharp right now. The lines are blurry. I miss the thrill of the chase, of reaching high places. But, I don’t need to scramble to fill the unknown. I don’t have all the answers to my questions.”
    I get it. For realz, my friend 🙂

  4. John

    I’ve been learning to let myself “be in the in-between” for awhile now. That space you so eloquently described between ending and beginning is often so anxiety ridden for many of us. In accepting and allowing the quiet it has to offer I’ve discovered it’s gift of time to rest, reconnect and get to know me again. A good place to be really to be ready to make the most of what comes next in life. I hope your experience there Heidi is one of discovery and growth that will serve you well as your new beginnings open up for you.

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