Have you ever been so consumed with something you’re worried once that thing you’re so consumed with goes away you will have nothing to take its place?
That’s me right now – consumed. With house selling. I’m cleaning the house, getting it ready to be looked at and judged, then wondering if anyone will deem it worthy enough to buy. This has been going on for four months now. It is a long time of trying to keep your house practically perfect, telling your kids repeatedly to not put their greasy hands on the walls, and being hopeful then disappointed. I am on the rollercoaster of real estate and I am not enjoying the ride. It is not thrilling and the only tummy-turning I’m getting is over anxiety. There is little reward until the house sells.
So, here I am….. consumed. With all of this. And I am already beginning to worry about what happens after the house sells. The house will sell (fingers crossed) and I will have free time and space. What will I do with it? What will be the next thing I’m consumed with?
Has anyone seen that movie, ‘Year of the Dog’? Molly Shannon is in it. It’s this quirky movie about an animal lover who goes a little nuts, then finds her passion and calling. I don’t know why I was so moved by this movie but I was. I’m still not sure if it’s that good of a movie. I’m not even an animal lover. My eyes rained at the end (that’s what my son, Benjamin, calls crying). She was consumed and a little crazy about her love for animals, but she found what she wanted to do with her life and felt confident about her choice. It was the right thing for her. Afterward I got all caught up in thoughts of what’s next for me?
I am a flip-flopper. I would not normally describe myself as one because I am outspoken and opinionated. But, when it comes to what I want to do with my life I am a bona fide flip-flopper. I do some motivational speaking; hence the website. I love it. It’s a tough market to break into. It’s like acting. It’s hard to get the gig. Is there something else out there for me to do? I have had fantasies of becoming an interior decorator. I have secret dreams of having one of my rooms in a home magazine. I could attempt to write a book. Now I’m blogging, but I have already had moments of panic. I’m journaling over the internet? How did this happen? Flip-flopping.
While I will be relieved to have the house sell I am nervous about the empty space it will leave. To be consumed is addictive. Will it be quiet and restful? Will that be too much to take? Do I need drama in my life to hold it all together? Is it the glue? Am I consumed with being consumed? I have no answers to these questions today. For now I will continue to be consumed with my house and then probably consumed with my flip-flopping. Will it be speaker, author, decorator or all three? My head is hurting.
In the beach
My kids and I went to Crescent Beach a few mornings ago. It was sunny and windy – just the way I like it. My favorite thing about the beach besides the long stretches of sand, an ocean that never ends and how it makes me feel alive is the smell. That smell of ocean and sun….don’t you think the air is just better there?