Tuning Out

It’s a somewhat sunny day and I know I should be outside. This is BC after all and the sun is fleeting around here. But, I was outside yesterday and the day before that. I spent most of the afternoon at the park with my kids yesterday. So, now I’m a good mom and I shouldn’t have to go outside, right?

Guilt. It’s everywhere. Did you know that when you become a mother you acquire more guilt than you already have? It comes out of nowhere. Your baby is born and poof! There is guilt. I should hold the baby all the time. I should never leave the baby. I should have fed the baby sweet potatoes – make that organic sweet potatoes – instead of strawberries. Then when they’re older it’s, I should be super content to just tend to my children, I should not let them eat so many fries, I should always listen attentively and not just say yes to the question I couldn’t understand, I should care more when they’ve fallen down for the hundredth time.

Aside from mom guilt there’s the regular guilt that I feel as a regular person. For instance I have this shame that I like clothes so much. I have tried to tone down my love for shopping, but I can’t. It’s a force greater than me. I do know my limits. If there is no money I will stay away from the stores for fear that I will break down and dip into the overdraft. The love is that strong.

I once got very angry with one of those construction people holding the stop/slow signs. What are they called? Traffic controllers? People with hard hats, bleached out hair, bad jeans, and a smoke in one hand? I got mad to her face. In my defense she yelled at me first. I felt horrible about it afterward and immediately called one of my friends to confess. The guilt got to me. Looking back I don’t know what I felt so guilty about. She deserved it.

Some of us have a higher guilt threshold. You might be reading this and think that I am far too sensitive and you have no guilt about any of the things I mentioned. Good for you. Seriously. Tell me how to live like that.

It seems guilt is something I will be plagued with my whole life. I have to say though it’s getting slightly better as I get older. I’m honing the craft of tuning out. Life is too short to let guilt get in the way, so I acknowledge the guilt and release it. (I hear that’s what people do when their home is haunted by ghosts.) Just like I’m going to do right now as I take my kids to get ice cream. At least we’ll be outside for a little while….

2 thoughts on “Tuning Out

  1. stace chomlack

    i have mom guilt too… waiting for the comment that tells you how to not have it… is that possible…
    worst case scenerio… we don’t have mom guilt and then… we are free to stare at rainbows and eat brownies?! i just don’t know.

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