Things I don’t get

I loved the Curious George books as a kid. Now, I am forced to read them to my kids and I hate them. I don’t get George and I really don’t get the man with the yellow hat. George is a monkey, so I should cut him some slack. But, the man with the yellow hat? Come on.

My kids are also fascinated with Jack and the Beanstalk. Is the giant really a giant or is Jack just very small? I actually love the idea of magic beans. I had always hoped that I would find some to grow my own beanstalk. I also had horrid dreams of a giant throughout most of my childhood. I once read Jack and the Beanstalk to my kids uber dramatically once and it did not go over very well. “Don’t read it so scary mommy!” Ooops. Maybe they’re having horrid dream of giants too.

Does anyone else play memory with their kids? Could this be the most excruciatingly painful thing to do with your kids? Stop picking up the hat and the elephant! You’ve just picked the same two the last ten turns! I run out of patience and I have been known to abruptly end the game shouting, “I can’t do this anymore! I’m out!”

Here is something else I don’t get. Moms that speak loudly enunciating every word in that sing-songy way to their kids so that not only do their offspring hear but every one around them hears. I get it.

Okay, enough about kids and kid-like things. Onto the next round.

People that say they are not high-maintenance and they clearly are. Own it I say. Who cares if you’re high-maintenance? Who cares if you’re not the low-maintenance mellow person you want to be? What’s so great about them anyway? I am high-maintenance and proud. Embrace your inner neurotic and set yourself free.

More things I don’t get…

People that love cooking and not only love cooking they say it helps them to unwind. I loathe cooking. I wished I liked it – even tolerated it. You see those cooking shows where they say you can make this meal in only 15 minutes and the audience claps and gasps in response. It just makes me sad. Why couldn’t it be 5 minutes?

Pretty boys in convertible mustangs. I saw one of them – a pretty boy – driving his bee yellow convertible mustang so confident with his spiky hair that didn’t move in the wind and his perfect almost blue they were so white teeth wearing sunglasses after the sun had already set. I don’t get this.

People that think Halloween is evil. Costumes and pumpkins – could it be more harmless?

Corndogs. Hot dogs wrapped in batter on a stick. How can this be a food?

Sweatpants as every day wear. I’m not talking about those cute lululemon sweatpants. I’m talking gray or navy baggy sweats all around town. Why?

And finally…. loud talkers on dates. I have been a survivor of the loud talker on a date and I have witnessed a few.

On my date I thought if I could lower my voice enough he would follow suit. I got my voice down to a whisper. I could barely hear myself and he was still blathering on in this booming awful voice. It was the first and last date.

Recently I saw, well, heard this one man show where this guy just prattled on and on about himself and his bad day. Only it wasn’t a one man show. He was on a date in a restaurant filled with people on their own dates and it wasn’t arty. This poor woman just sat there barely getting a word in. I was willing him to shut up. I bet this girl was too.

Swept Up

In shopping!

I went shopping with my friend Stace and oh my! It was Fun with a capital F! From the very cute (so many shoes!) to the very ugly (giant rainbow sweaters that my grandmother could have knit) to margaritas to having access to a giant warehouse full of clothes it was a much needed great day. Stace, you are Deelightful with a capital D! Thank you!!

The photo shown here is taken by Stace for a fantastic consignment kids clothing store on Main St called Beansprouts.

5 thoughts on “Things I don’t get

  1. Marnie

    I am laughing out loud!!!

    Yes, I hear you on the mom's talking so everyone can hear thing?! What the heck is up with that?? "YES DEVON, THAT IS YOUR PENIE & IT IS IN YOUR PANTSIES & NO MOMMY DOESN'T HAVE ONE – HEE HEE HEE" with the stupid smug laughy look that comes with it, shot my way so that I too will acknowledge that Jonny is really cute (and he's not)…. And really I am thinking 'lady, I am in Walmart trying to get a pair of gonch for my 3 year old son, and I want to get the h.e.l.l. out of here'!! Uggg… get a life. LOL!

    OR another is when I see someone that thinks they are really important, so when they pull their car up next to mine at a stop light they grab their cell phone & talk on it… holding it with the hand that they know I will see it in…. 'yes dear, your sooo important. I am so impressed. You have 'clients' look at me, a pitiful mother'. GAG!
    The other painful thing with kids is I Spy or Look & Find books that we have had for 2 years, and still looking for the stuff that we have found 100 times over…. sigh….. Daddy does these with our boys…. i just… i just CAN'T DO IT!!

    Thanks for the rant. I could go on… but I will leave on a positive note! Your blog today was LAUGH OUT LOUD (LOL) FUNNY! I could totally relate! I am still laughing….

  2. Heidi

    Marnie, I Spy can just about take me over the edge. And I'll be staying clear of Look & Find books. Thanks for your rant! 🙂

  3. O'Really

    I agree with you on the cooking thing. I was LMAO.

    Scaring your children with Jack and the Beanstock, or any other potentially nightmare inducing story, is like one of those passages of rite that all children go through.

    You’re just continuing the social ritual of scaring the pants off your kids. No biggie.

  4. Katie

    HEIDI!!!!!! you are soooooo funny!!! And I think we have a lot in common! I'm SO with you on the Curious George books and the talkers!

    p.s. Please don't be alarmed at all of my comments on here; I'm just a tad bit obsessed and wishing that I lived in Ft.Langley so I could be your new best friend!

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