We had a bit of a windstorm here the other day and I say ‘a bit of’ because I know there are many of you in other parts of the world where it gets a lot windier than it does here. Here is BC, Canada. It’s pretty mild and rainy around here. Well, it is a lot rainy around here especially at this time of year and if you haven’t grown up here it can get old very fast. I have grown up here and I find myself talking about how over it I am a lot. (On a side note when it gets sunny and close to Spring and I’m talking just a little sun coming through the clouds everyone gets giddy and shorts make an appearance. Oh, west coast people.)

Back to that windstorm. Our power goes out easily. One sway of a branch and it’s dark. That night I had plans to catch up on my dvred shows (the Office and 30 Rock), eat ice cream and glue my eyes to the TV. No power makes that impossible. It’s deflating. I like my electricity. We pull out the flashlights, the candles, envy the neighbor’s generator, turn on the gas fireplace and I am made very aware of me.

No distractions. No power. No TV. No sound except for the wind. No armor. Just me.

I think most of us want to be known. To have someone in your life that gets you. You need to be heard. You want to be validated.

While I, fortunately, have a few people like that in my life when I am confronted with a blackout how comfortable am I in my skin? Nothing to come between me and my voice and my thoughts. No armor. Do I like what’s there?

There is the initial panic. I so love getting caught up in a show or reading a good book (which I tried later by candlelight. It isn’t as easy as I thought. It takes a lot of candles. It was all very Little House on the Prairie…maybe that’s why Mary went blind) or there must be something I’m supposed to be cleaning. Take all of that away and I am not a shell. There is something in there after all. Someone I can live with. Most of my growing up years were based on who am I? If no one says I’m good enough, am I good enough? After all the growing and accepting and I am making so many mistakes that surely I will know better next time something has stuck. I am known. To me. And I have deemed it good.

Swept Up

In 30 Rock
Did anyone catch this week’s episode? When my power returned the next day I finally caught up and, oh, it was a funny one!! It is such a witty and clever show. If you don’t watch and one evening you find yourself thinking, I am bored and I need something to go with all of this chocolate rent or buy or download the second season of 30 Rock. Sit back, eat your chocolate, and let the funny wash over you.

10 thoughts on “Known

  1. Our Juicy Life

    well, I’m one of those west coast people – originally from sunny Southern California, but 2 months ago I moved to southwest france in the Aveyron region. It’s been cold and rainy for like 3 weeks….everyone says it’s not normal…great…but it’s bumming me out. We love the sun and the clouds and grey and rain is biting into my bones.

  2. Kate Coveny Hood

    That Little House on the Prairie reference made me laugh. I was very upset about Mary’s blindness when I was little. I worried that I would “go blind” one day.

  3. Heidi

    ojl, hello! Southwest France…that would be quite the change from sunny California! The rain can get pretty depressing, but I’m betting that when France gets nice it is nice!!

    kch, me too!! I didn’t know how it would happen, but I was sure blindness would happen to me.

  4. Linda Sue

    I can totally relate to power outages- our house is entirely electric…It’s like walking inside a cadaver, dismal, blue cold, very dead. I run away- look for lights and head off in that direction. Thanks for the recommended TV watch…I will do that- I need more humour.

  5. dawn

    you are definitely more than a shell! because you question and you think. you know the difference between being and doing. i think that is so admirable. for me, i try to drive a couple of times a week with no radio on….that helps me hear myself. some days i’m better at it than others…. and when i just need to laugh, 30rock is my drug of choice. i still laugh at the line that alec baldwin said last season when someone asked him a question..i can’t remember what it was, but he replied “like the urine of satan after a hefty dose of asparagus.” classic.

  6. Heidi

    linda sue, 30 rock is a must watch for me…I hope you like it!

    dawn, no radio on – that’s impressive. I am laughing at that Alec Baldwin line. I loved the line in Thursday’s episode when he was talking about Liz’s “Big Ben sized biological clock”….hysterical.

  7. Suz Broughton

    I think if you have a couple of people in your life where you can just be yourself…just be, you are so lucky and blessed. I have a few too.
    Aa always, so well written.

  8. Susan

    Thanks for the kind comment Heidi ! Sometimes I wonder when I really put myself out there, but I’m getting used to it and for the most part is does always feel good – always feels better and it’s amazing how someone always leaves a comment that makes you know that your feelings are shared or understood by someone else.

    I have been meaning to tape 30 Rock – it’s on too late for me at 10:30 pm. I’m making a note right now to tape it this week ! I know I’ll love it, I love Alec Baldwin .

    xo from the other coast

  9. Heidi

    suz, lucky and blessed….exactly!

    susan, hello! I often like those posts the best – the ones that come from the heart. Thank you for putting your heart out there.

    Alec Baldwin is perfect in this show. Very dry. Very funny. Tape it. It’s worth it.

  10. amisare waswerebeen

    I looove it when the power goes out. We sit in a candle-lit room and just chat. It’s such a relief from the daily distractions.

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