To resist Christmas is futile. I can no longer pretend like it isn’t coming. I nearly had a panic attack when someone said it was only 27 days away. Stop forcing Christmas on me! And, really, it isn’t Christmas I’m avoiding. I really like Christmas. Love even. It’s the shopping I’m dreading.
I love shopping. Shopping is my quiet time. My zen. When we reach this time of year….when we are 27 days away from Christmas my quiet time is turned into this ugly competitive sport. Bumping, pushy, angry, sighing, babies screaming from their strollers, impatient, I want this now sport. As much as I resent it I know I am losing the battle. It is time to go to war.
In the spirit of shopping mania I have come up with a list. A list of shoppers you may encounter in your war zones.
This shopper can’t stand standing in line. Any time the credit card doesn’t go through fast enough or there’s a hiccup with the cash register there is a sigh. Don’t even get them started if the cashier has to call for help.
Mom, Stroller and Missing Baby Shopper
This shopper has a stroller piled high with so much stuff you hope there isn’t a baby buried underneath. This mom and stroller plow through aisle after aisle adding one item after another clipping people’s toes and ankles along the way. Grandma is usually there shouting from another aisle asking, “What about the Safari Barbie? Do you want a Safari Barbie or the Librarian Barbie? Whaaat?! Which one!?” And the baby? You’ll find that baby with a dad bouncing him/her up and down cowering in a corner.
This shopper has it rough. A mom, baby, and one on the way. A dad, a newborn, and a three year old. Or a mom, twins, and a sulky tween. This person is going to war with everyone. If they’re smart they are armed with distractions. A bottle and/or juice, crackers, cookies, toys. If these things don’t work they hand them keys, a cell phone, completely cave and buy them the toy they have been demanding for the last two hours. The tween is usually lagging behind while whining about how their brother and sister get everything. There is a scowl etched in this shopper’s face for hours after he/she has finished their shopping for the day.
This shopper is out of their element. They only come to the mall at this time of year and can’t understand why no one will help them. They ask a lot of questions and always look puzzled. Why is this so expensive? When did lego get so complex? Oh, a Wii…..I’ve heard of a Wii. Where is the bathroom?
These shoppers are just angry. And there is nothing you can do to snap them out of it. They wake up mean and come to the store mean. They do this walk-run everywhere they go. They prey on the weak and butt in line. They do not respond to smiling or small talk. That only makes them meaner. They are here to win. Beware of this shopper. Do not look directly into their beady eyes and, slowly, walk away.
And so it begins.
As much as Christmas shopping can make me crazy I do enjoy a sale. There are some good ones out there right now. I thought I should be nice and make a list of these sales, but, honestly, I don’t have the energy for it. Making up that list of shoppers made me sleepy. I will let you in on this one. There is a kids clothing sale at Mexx right now – 30% off everything including clothes that are already discounted. Not too shabby.