It starts from somewhere you can’t pinpoint and its destination is you. You can’t reach it. You can’t touch it. This feeling. This longing I have only ever described as my homesick feeling.
It is bigger than me and I find myself wanting to wrap my arms around it but I can’t. It’s not a good or a bad feeling. It’s not loneliness. It’s not enlightenment or a wondering. It isn’t joy. I know what those are, but this…I can never get a hold of. It comes and goes with no explanation.
All of my growing up life I never felt sad when I was away from my family. Homesickness eluded me, so when this feeling…this longing would find its way to me I thought this is what homesick must feel like. This aching for something that is just beyond me, something that I know I would love if it would let me catch it. Maybe it’s heaven chasing me. Maybe it’s a calling I haven’t fulfilled. Maybe it’s a dream I can’t see yet. Maybe it’s a voice I can’t hear. Maybe it’s a reminder that I am only human. Don’t forget to feel as it dances and twists through me with no way of knowing if it will return, but sure that it will.
My new Christmas Lululemon hoodie (mine is black) is very, very snuggly.
And fireplaces…also good for keeping you warm.