Buried Treasure

I have been packing and packing and packing. I’m throwing out, cleaning up and I can’t sit still. I’m opening up old boxes – boxes I haven’t looked at in ages and I’m in memory lane caught up with scraps of scribbled on paper, earnest poetry, bad high school photos, and mementos from a lifetime ago.

I opened a box to ten years ago. My mom kept letters, cards and notes that were given to me while I was in the hospital. They’re all there – my seven month stay organized into two piles with a lid on it. I read and read and read. So many well wishes, offers of prayer, we love yous. An entire box dedicated to love.

I didn’t feel sad once to return to that time – that life will never be the same as you know it time. I felt good, whole, and grateful. Where it was once so excruciatingly painful it just isn’t anymore. It hasn’t been for a long time now. Yes my skin breaks down easily. Yes prosthetic legs and a whole lot of scarring can be a pain in the ass sometimes. I get tired. But I have no residual anger or grief or anything that resembles it. It is a part of me. It always will be. And I am free to live and feel and get bothered by other things. I am not weighed down by something that was out of my hands in a split second.

In this box I found letters that were written to me tucked away in Scott’s favorite childhood book, The Magical Drawings of Moonie B Finch. He began writing them late into the night the night after the car crash took place. Scott and I had been dating a very short time when time was divided into before and after. These are the final two paragraphs he wrote to me the day I came out of my coma.

I know we’re going to have some tough times adjusting to all of this, but I know we’re going to get through it all. I love you Heidi and I don’t care what you can or can’t do. I don’t care what you used to be like or how you are now. I just love you and I want to be with you. I need you. And I need to hear that you love me too.

Today you opened your eyes and for the first time you were in them. Your spirit was in your eyes. It was like hearing from a friend that had gone away for a long time and for a long time you hear nothing. Then one night you get a phone call and they just say, “Hi”, but it’s the best “Hi” you’ve ever heard. You were more beautiful in this moment than any other.

I just discovered these letters four days ago.

Swept Up

In Memories

12 thoughts on “Buried Treasure

  1. Suz Broughton

    I’m speechless. I’ve read this post over and over. You are powerful writer, but with a delicate way of expressing yourself.
    I’m right there with you opening those boxes–feeling what you’re feeling. What a wonderful surprise to find those letters from your husband.
    Thank you for inspiring me.
    Suz

  2. Kate Coveny Hood

    This made me cry! I never cease to be amazed by your courage and spirit. And now I get to hear about Scott’s courage and spirit. What an inspirational couple.

  3. Linda Sue

    Scott’s letters- incredible, and isn’t that heartfelt genuine love and support what we all adhere to, what we are here for- for each other?Beautiful! Thank you so much for this post!
    I,too, have been going through drawers and boxes , reading, eliminating, stashing in a better more organized fashion ( if that is ever possible for me)- I found letters and cards from dead mom and dead friends for whom I would liketo have just one more chance- to tell them I love them and treasure them so very much…today I will do that with those still living- so important. Beginning with YOU- you are indeed loved and treasured- thank you for being- you are a mighty fine gift, girl- thank you again. You have enhanced the beauty of my life so much.

  4. dawn

    heidi, you’re such a whole person….beautiful inside and out. scott’s a smart man. such a really beautiful post and thank you so much for sharing it. btw…..the tulips were specifically for you 🙂

  5. Heidi

    thank you all. Scott is truly one of the good ones and finding these letters reminded me of that.

    thank you dawn for the tulips…I really did need to see them.

  6. Live More Now (LMN)

    I totally have tingles all over. Those are beautiful words and reflect a truly beautiful sentiment. Thank you for sharing. For sharing this personal story, and your courage and spirit. It’s wonderful.

  7. Angela

    I love LOVE this post, Heidi. Especially that last paragraph…I remember feeling the way Scott did only I could never put into words what that first “HI” was like. You are truly amazing, my friend.

  8. you gotta wonder

    This is beautiful. I’m looking forward to reading backwards to get more of the story.

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