High Maintenance

I am not breezy…all tra la la. I don’t let things just roll off my back and follow the ebb and flow that is life.

I am more of a swim upstream kind of girl. I hang on. I control. I like things just so. There is always something to do. Something to plan. I like plans. Something to put away. Something to finish.

I used to think it was a problem. My Achilles Heel. It should be something that should be weeded out or sent away like pesky kids that a soon to be stepmother from the movies wants to get rid of. As soon as she gets married to the father those kids are going to boarding school….in Switzerland.

There was a turn – an epiphany of sorts – when I turned 30. I began to embrace that person that likes things just so. I get things done. Plans and lists can be helpful. I function better in order and what’s so bad about that anyway? Scott couldn’t find anything if it wasn’t for me.

I get that there has to be balance. I can’t let the high maintenance get the better of me unless I want leg infections, go to IV therapy, and not be able to move without vomiting for 24 hours. (That was me a few days ago. Fun.) I need to let people in and ask for help. Sometimes I just have to let go.

(I have fun by the way. I’m not a total neurotic geeked out loser.)

Breezy or high maintenance we’re all equal. We have something to contribute and a place in this world. And my place right now is filled with plans, lists, renovations, clothes in my living room, paint colors, boxes to trip over and reminders that the chaos will settle, that all of this work will be worth it and it’s going to be alright.

Okay, so maybe I need a little breezy in my life.

Swept Up

In Walking
The kids and I took our first walk from our house to the village. We had ice cream at the diner and went to the toy store. I loved that we could do that.

12 thoughts on “High Maintenance

  1. you gotta wonder

    Welcome to your new digs. I’m glad you’re back on blogger. 🙂

    I also have to strive for balance (as do most of us). It took me a long time to accept that God made me this way and I have a place. I don’t have to deny who I am but I can chill out a little on occasion.

  2. dawn

    glad you’re back, heidi! hope it all went smoothly for you (or as smoothly as possible) 🙂

    and i don’t think there’s anything wrong with wanting to plan and control. i think the structure of that actually helps us keep our balance. life is going to hand us things we can’t control anyway, so when we can keep our rhythms, then we should at least try.

  3. Linda Sue

    If indeed we are separated into two categories- Apolonian and Dyonysian- then your Apolonian balances my Dyonysian.It’s all good, just that your sense of order and control is more desireable and admirable. The ants and the grasshopper story comes to mind…

  4. sugarlens

    Hi! So glad to see you back!

    My husband and I always say that if we lived within walking-distance to anywhere, we would get out a lot more.

  5. LMN

    I can so relate to the “swimming upstream” metaphor. I am sorry you got sick! I hope you are feeling better and back to your “high maintenance” getting everything done self!

    I hope the “moving in” after the move, goes smoothly!

  6. kendalee

    Wishing for a little breezy for you if that’s what you need. Although it sounds to me like your lists and ordered approach are just what a move of that scale requires. Either way, I trust it will all come together – hang in there! 🙂

  7. Heidi

    ygw, thank you…it’s true…balance is important, but it’s also important to be who you are and this is who i am.

    dawn, have i told you that I like that pic of you? it’s very cute! i think it’s when i start to make myself crazy with having it all a certain way that i have to slow down.

    linda sue, you’re so wise and smart. i like your smarts. 🙂

    sugarlens, this is the beauty of living here. in the spring and summer we will reap the benefits of being here.

    lmn, i had no choice but to get help! and i am feeling better…thank you. my leg is on the mend (i sound really old when I say things like ‘on the mend’) and i’m getting some energy back. that infection wiped me out!

    kendalee, you are so sweet! thank you. i function better in order, so as soon as things get in order here i think i’ll be feeling a lot better and so will my daughter. poor thing. she’s a lot like me and not doing so well in the chaos. we’ll get there though.

  8. thezeninyou

    Oh boy can I relate! I tend to control and swim upstream too often. I am getting better…but I work at it. Oh, I get the coffee in the morning thing…I don’t understand how some people start their day with tea or juice? Crazy!

    Great blog by the way! Glad I stumbled over 🙂

  9. Kate Coveny Hood

    I think I’m like you. I have a hard time relaxing in chaos. I need to make order in it first.

    And I’m so jealous that you can walk into town. I can walk to a shopping center from my house – but it’s not like walking “into town.”

  10. Heidi

    thezeninyou, hello! i hear ya…i don’t get how tea can be sufficient and juice?! don’t even get me started on juice!
    thanks for stumbling on over. 🙂

    kch, yeah..walking into town is nice. we haven’t done too much of it yet since i am held hostage by painter and flooring people in my home, but come spring we will so be out there!

    maggie, thank you! it’s good to be here. it feels right.

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