want

Memory is elastic. Just when you think you’ve forgotten it bounces back. I know how to do this. I’ve done this. It’s familiar. It isn’t note for note. The environment is different. But, the feelings. The feelings are the same.

I know what I have. I know how good my life is. It’s just that…well…I’m getting bored of anxiety and circumstances beyond my control. I get that there will always be that which I can’t control. It would be nice, however, to strongly identify with something like world class boxer or lion tamer or something that is actually achievable rather than manager.

(side note: I’ve been pouring out my thoughts here and you guys have been kind enough to read and listen…always ready with encouragement and your own take. You have been very good to me and I’m grateful.)

The sun came out this weekend. The sun came out and brought some perspective. This memory bounced and tumbled its way over to me. It hung over me like some rainbow of promise. A moment forever frozen in time where the window was small and I didn’t know where to go next, but I looked at life, God, and the faces in front of me, drew a deep breath and said, yes.

I’m on the brink of possibility with a larger window this time. Rather than turn away, rather than drive myself to distraction I want to say yes. I want more. I want to go. I want to be surprised. I want to bring what I can. I want to look ahead and not be afraid. I want to want.

Swept Up

In Seattle
Scott and I went to Seattle for the weekend. The delightful Heather from livemorenow who is from Seattle gave us the goods on places to eat. It was an adventure for the taste buds. Thanks to her we had the pleasure of dining at Lola (Scott’s favorite), Etta’s, Serious Pie (best pizza EVER! we ate here twice), and had brunch at Café Campagne. We also had delicious Top Pot doughnuts. Take that, Krispy Krème. Did I mention the amazing weather we had? I was on a sun high. Giddy from warmth. I would do cartwheels if I could. We had a great, great time together. (The photo is of Lola)

11 thoughts on “want

  1. Linda Sue

    Heidi!
    Can you believe this! 60 degrees and WARM! I am delirious! Remind me next february to get out of here! Take you with me…I am sure the sun is shining somewhere then. Seattle- you must be good in traffic…glad you had a good time! Wheeee sun! Makes all the diff.

  2. Kate Coveny Hood

    It’s such a negative environment out there with so many worries on so many minds. I try hard to focus on possibility. It’s the light at the end of the tunnel. Sometimes I can’t see it but I just keep pushing blindly forward. Even if you can’t see the sun, you can feel its warmth.

  3. LENORENEVERMORE

    It’s so ON dear… Inspiring!
    Our biggest enenmy is always fear, and fear is the opposite of love really… I’m so ready too 😉

  4. sugarlens

    Sounds like you had a great foodie adventure in Seattle!

    Amazing weather? I am jealous! Isn’t Seattle supposed to be dark and rainy all the time?

  5. Heidi

    linda sue, i thought of you when i was there…how you must be enjoying the sun on the hunt for some of your great finds. i echo your wheee!

    kch, “Even if you can’t see the sun, you can feel its warmth.” i love this. that describes possibility perfectly.

    karen, xoxoxo

    suz, thanks! now i just need to find one of those phone booths… 😉

    jesse, hey! thanks.

    lenorenevermore, absolutely. walking into life and love…so much better than being held back by fear.

    sugarlens, yes! a foodie adventure. it was just so much fun to go from restaurant to restaurant and, well, eat! seattle is pretty much like where i live (and we’re just a few hours apart), so, yes there and here it is a lot dark and rainy. but the sun is out in full force right now. dee-lightful!

  6. dawn

    your sun is shining inside and out! so glad, heidi 🙂

    btw: next time you go down to seattle, let me know and you and i will go find heather and we’ll all go get in some trouble and laugh and eat and TALK! what say? xxoo

  7. LMN

    Heidi – so glad you had some sun – wasn’t it wonderful?! And so so glad you got to enjoy a few of my favorite EATS. That ALWAYS makes me happy. Sun and good eats – it DOESN’T get any better than that. Especially with big windows. 🙂

    Next time, we WILL have to have a Heidi and Dawn and Heather day. That would be wonderful. Lots of everything including laughing. 🙂

  8. Heidi

    dawn and heather, yes!! absolutely!! dawn, i didn’t know you lived close by…or close enough anyway. how fun would that be?!?

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