I have figured out what my problem is. It’s not earth-shattering. It did not rock me to my very core. My eyes just kinda popped when my mind’s light bulb turned on. I’m bored.
I started asking myself questions like what reaches me, what grabs my soul and demands that I listen. What challenges me because, seriously, I’m not challenged. Well, I have challenges. Don’t we all? But, what opens up my world? What makes me think and feel and dream? When you answer that with a shrug and an I dunno something is missing.
So, I’m remedying it. I’m not going to write lengthy posts about my boredom and searching my soul over for what’s ailing me. I am going to try things.
I’ve applied for a job that a good, good friend thought I might have a knack for. I signed myself up for a UBC writing course during the summer. In a few weeks I’m going to this and find out what I’m made of.
Here’s the thing. Well, my thing anyway. When you have something so explosive happen to you, everything pales in comparison. Nothing quite measures up to the bigness of that car crash. Almost like you’re living in its shadow. I’m expected to do something great after that. I should amount to something huge, something above average because of what I went through. Survival isn’t enough. It’s crippling.
Here I am. Bored. Needing change. I’m living in the shadow of my burn survivor self, real and imagined. I didn’t know I was doing that, until recently. Rather than be upset with myself for waiting this long, rather than berate myself for not getting out from under the shadow sooner I’m going to look at this as the right time. The time for doing something other than surviving. The time for exploring and taking on. I couldn’t take on before because I already carried enough. These past few years has packed punch after punch. There’s been a lot of good too. So much good. (I am proud, by the way, to be a burn survivor, proud to stand among other burn survivors, proud to speak on our behalf and I’ll continue to do it.) I wouldn’t erase anything about my life. Not a thing. And I mean that.
I am a girl on the cusp. I’m tired of thinking that I’m not. I have the world at my fake feet.
In Awkward Family Photos
I just learned about this site a few weeks ago and it has provided me with a whole lot of laughter since. Seriously. The first time I looked at these photos I laughed until I cried. It’s just awkward family photos that people submit – the ol’ back to back poses, bad matching sweaters, family of four sitting on the branch of a tree and the one I have here…I just switched out the previous one I had here for this one. The owner of the website calls this photo Mommy-the-Pooh and has this caption to go with the photo, “The father was so relieved when he found out he was gonna be Eeyore. ” Are you kidding me?! I can’t believe anyone would do this.