I can get very lost in my own world and, don’t tell anyone, but I really like it. Like when I get completely and wholly absorbed in a book that I can barely tear myself away from. I do because I have to, but I am counting down the minutes until I get to pick up that book again. I tune out the responsibilities that aren’t immediate and I tack a list to the back of my mind that I’ll get to later. I like being out of touch with the rest of the world for a while. I like being disconnected. Just me and my bubble. Until, of course, I have to break it to address the panic at the back of my mind. I can’t live in a bubble forever.
I wonder if more of us could use some disconnect from the outside just for a little while to regroup and remember what it’s like to spend time with ourselves. To be good to our mental health. I used to go for walks often. I would walk for the sake of being alone, to notice how the light fell through the trees and to breathe. Feel the sun on my face. Feel the earth beneath my feet (sort of). To get lost in a moment or an hour and let the routine slide away. Over the last two years walking has become too task oriented. It’s about the destination and I’ve forgotten about the light through the trees.
It’s not about hiding or shirking responsibility, but about taking comfort in my thoughts, scattered or otherwise, and my aloneness. There’s not much of a bubble to be had when you’re pulled every which way, but I can still carve out a space for myself where it doesn’t have to be filled with the next thing to do. There can just be time without knowing how to spend it.
In those damn Twilight books
I told myself I was not going to jump on the Twilight bandwagon. I thought, No, not me. It’s not going to happen to me. And then Quesnel happened and Scott’s aunt had every book in the series and I could borrow them if I wanted to. Well, I started reading Saturday night after the wedding we attended and it’s what…Thursday now and I’m halfway through the final book, Breaking Dawn (which I’m not feelin’ by the way). I’m a little embarrassed that I fell so hard so fast. I wasn’t going to be one of the many, many women that got hooked on books about a vampire and a teenage girl, but I did. So, I’m reluctantly, head hung low swept up in these damn books.