I know I recently wrote a post similar to this, but, whatever, it’s become some kind of theme in my life and it’s my blog.
Time. I don’t know why we’re always straining ahead trying to beat time. There’s so much pressure to do everything this instant. Don’t waste time. We don’t have time. Clock in, clock out. What happened to taking our time? To having free time? To not being rushed and savoring the moment.
I’ve been experimenting with time. Dabbling in long stretches of time doing very little. It’s tough to do. Not because it’s impossible, but because of my storehouse of guilt that I carry around with me. I’ve been raised to keep moving, keep doing, and never stop. It’s the Mennonite mantra. (If you know anything about being raised by Mennonites you’ll get this. Oh, and no, the Mennonites I know don’t have a horse and buggy as their main source of transportation and wear their hair in long, thick braids. They look just like you and me.) It is guilt that prevents me from enjoying time too much.
I like purpose and form to my day. I thrive in that kind of environment. My kids, especially, benefit from that kind of environment. But, somewhere in me lives a wanderer…someone who wants to do nothing…play away the hours until the sun sets into the moon. But, the guilt is there, a sentinel keeping watch over my wasting precious time. It’s casting long shadows with lists the length of my arm and one more thing I could do. I’m trying to get the lists out of the way to prepare time. To make way for it so I can settle into it like a comfy, worn couch. As I’ve been dabbling and experimenting, trying on time, turning this way and that to see how it fits I’ve seen that it suits me. It works to not have plans jammed into every void in my week. It wears nicely to wake up and not know what the day holds for me. Anxiety starts to creep in when my calendar is full. This week is one of those weeks. It’s alright. I’ll find spaces in my calendar soon. I’ll make sure there is.
Time is precious and I want to be able to waste it, use it, stretch it and savor it the way I want to.
In Villages Antique Mall in Fort Langley
There are thousands of finds in this place. It is completely packed. Every corner is filled with plates, cups, chairs, scary looking dolls, wardrobes, and anything else you can think of that’s old. My kids and I love this place and it is a great way to waste time around here.