I’m going to say something I hate.
Here it is.
Change is in the air.
There are many reasons for why I loathe that statement, but I won’t bore you with that. Just know that I hate it and I’m waving the statement around regardless. I’m wild like that.
I have plans. I’m wild like that too.
I’m going to take the motivational out of the header, and, for now, out of my life. I’m not in a rut or crossing over to the dark side. It isn’t anything like that. I’m liberating my head and my heart, especially my heart.
I haven’t been doing much speaking and I haven’t missed it. It surprised me when I realized it. I’m always please-floor-swallow-me-whole-I’m-so-nervous before I speak and one minute and 30 seconds in I’m fine. I’m at ease and enjoying it. I like the energy of the room, but I hadn’t thought about the energy for a while. I don’t care about it the way I used to.
I do some speaking at my job. I facilitate workshops. It’s good and I think any desire to speak is fulfilled there. It doesn’t mean I won’t do it again. I’m not making grand statements like I will never.
I’m going to take a stab at writing my story instead. It won’t be self-help-esque. It will be without agenda. It won’t be speech-y. I’m just going to tell the story. I feel compelled. Is that the right word for this? It’s the only word I could think of that fits. I feel compelled to write it. This is where it gets liberating for me. When I write a speech there should be a point. I’m headed in a direction. It is with purpose and I’ll do what I can to take you there. I don’t want to do that this time. It’s not that the book (yeah, I’m attempting to write a book just like every other blogger out there. I’m a blogging cliché, but, whatever) will be aimless. It’s that I don’t have to make you feel good in the process. I don’t need to say this was awful, but. Even though this was awful, but.
That leads me to this space. My blog. I’m changing it. My plan is to post what I’m working on here and there. It might be raw and unrevised. It could be tweaked within an inch of its life. I won’t be consistent. I haven’t been for a while now anyway. Who knows? Maybe there will be a zillion posts. I might not post anything. I’m in the land of unsure. I’m in the in-between. I’m going to try though.
I have kind loyal readers. Some who have commented and many of you who haven’t. Who are all of you? And where do you come from? To each of you, thank you. You’ve given me a lot of life here and I’m grateful. Really grateful.
I’ll still be coming on over to your blogs and reading and commenting. Man, you people can write and photograph and I am over the moon thrilled to have found your carved out spaces. I can’t keep this blog up the way I would like to. Believe it or not, I’m running out of topics to go on about. I’m not flipping you off, deleting my blog with a big FU. It’s not my style.
So, it’s not goodbye exactly. It’s a see you later and an until then.