getting ready

It’s hard to be clear. I can’t seem to string my thoughts together to form complete sentences. I can’t get my point across. I’m thinking it’s because I don’t have one. A point. A focus. I don’t have that right now. I think that is summer’s purpose. To do away with destinations further than the beach and having points. The fall is being ushered in early by back to school shopping and Halloween costumes dangling in stores’ windows. I’m being dragged from summer to fall and for the first time in a long time I’m not ready to see summer go.

I love the fall and its beautiful colors. I look forward to BC apples and pumpkin pies. It’s my favorite season. You know that. I’ve said it here before. I’ve given my head a break this season. I’ve let things go until the fall comes. I’ve said that out loud. When the fall comes I will… With fall comes renewed energy and vision. That’s what I hope for.

When I took that writing course I felt as though it was the right time to take that course. Not just because I had time. Not only because my kids were a little older. It was the right time for me. There were pieces in my life that needed to come together. I could let my guard down. I could stop disqualifying myself long enough to give the course a chance, therefore giving myself a chance. I could put stock into the feeling that followed me around urging me to listen, listen. You know that feeling. You can’t shake it. You try to outrun it or drown it in distraction, but it’s always there beating in your chest or sneaking up on you in your sleep as you drift from dream to dream. It was the right time for me.

When I took that course our instructor told us to find the story that gave us the most energy. I tried my hand at a few subjects, but I found myself drawn to the story that holds great significance for me. The one with weight. There are many stories that lead to that story and many stories after, but it’s that story, the story that has enough energy for me to pursue it. I started experimenting with it in class and at home. Summer took over and I told myself and anyone that asked I would write that story, the story in the fall. I would give it attention then. I meant it. It might take years to write, but I still mean it.

The days are getting shorter. I’ve noticed crispness to the night air that wasn’t there a week ago. While summer is clearing the path for fall my feeling is gathering strength. Stores and schools in their too soon-ness are demanding we be prepared. Get ready. Summer is slipping from my grip and my feeling is urging me to listen, listen. It won’t let go of me or is it that I can’t let go of it? Whichever it is, it’s time to get ready.

Swept Up

In True Blood – Season Two
Now I know this isn’t everyone’s kind of show, but, I love this show. This season, especially, has been great. The summer doesn’t offer much in the way of good television, so True Blood has become a staple. Every Sunday Scott and I are glued to that TV waiting to see what unfolds next. What will happen to the people of Bon Temps? Will Maryann die or whatever it is that’s supposed to happen to make her go away? Will anything happen between Sookie and Eric? (If anyone else is watching, are you loving Eric as much as I am?) Two more episodes left…can’t wait!

15 thoughts on “getting ready

  1. Dorkys Ramos

    Without fail, the first of September and school openings bring in the first hints of cool air. Time to dust off the sweaters and jackets again! I can't believe summer days are over. Good luck in writing your story. I've learned that it's best to let them come out when they're good and ready instead of forcing it out line by line.

  2. you gotta wonder

    Yes, it is definitely Fall. Summer is wrapping up way down south here in Texas, too. And I feel the force within me, the call, beating inside my chest demanding, begging, crying to get out. And yet, I procrastinate. Catching up on blog-reading, doing e-mail, puttering…but the voice within will not be denied.

    You're in my thoughts and prayers.

  3. Kate Coveny Hood

    I'm feeling the change of seasons on so many levels…

    And I am getting season 1 of TB from Netflix. I've heard season 2 has been better. Either way – I'm not a vampire enthusiast – but after plowing though the awful Twilight series (lapped it up like cream!) I can't imagine that I wouldn't be sucked (pun intended) into True Blood

  4. bernthis

    I'm reading all these posts about how cool and Fall like it is and here it has been near or over a 100 for a week and again tomorrow.

    Autumn is my favorite and I tend to get more work done when it's too cold and dark to be outside. You'll write that story,you will and I can't wait to read it

  5. Chris

    I feel the same way. I adore summer and it's my favorite season. But I get excited when the air gets cooler and the leaves start to change. I'm always looking forward to the next season, to the next holiday, to the next trip, to the next day…well, maybe not so much winter once the holidays are over, lol…but still.

  6. Intense Guy

    The cool breeze coming in my office window as I type this feels marvelous! I suspect there will be more summer days – and hope for an indian summer too but the break from the heat and humidity is wonderful.

    Best wishes with your writing! There are a lot of talented writers in the blogosphere, Dorkys for one, and I'm sure many of them would enjoy chatting with you if you ever want to bounce an idea of them.

  7. FranticMommy

    "to do away with destinations further than the beach and having points".
    That. Was. Awesome. I need to print this, laminate it, and live by it next summer. I feel I blew this summer by being too busy fussing and worrying about things that never even came to be anyway.
    Beautiful post (as always) Heidi.

  8. Suz Broughton

    I know the feeling. I know the feeling, exactly. I know you won't let it go because you can't.
    I can't wait to see what it brings.

  9. Linda Sue

    Windy, dark, raining – a time to get out the woolies and go inward. an apple a day- hum of the heater, cold fingers…the older I get the less welcome is autumn- knowing that soon the long lOOOONNNNNGGGG winter sits on us like a heavy wet Great Pyrenees, sucking the warmth from every corpuscle- How's that for optimism! I think that I need brighter light bulbs in my head!

  10. Cookie

    I share some of these feelings. A feeling of change. The says are getting shorter and I'm losing focus. Having trouble finding a point… Things are chinging and I'm finding myself getting lost in the chaos…

  11. kendalee

    That first paragraph beautifully describes where I'm at – completely – with the exception of the school shopping 🙂 and autumn's definitely here! Or, at least, summer's gone. And it's arrived wearing grey and damp. It'll get better though – Autumn is my favourite season really and as you do, I trust that focus will return. (funny I described my current state as blurred too)

    In the meantime, I am distracting myself. I have just started watching TrueBlood season 1 – completely and utterly hooked! I'm SO frustrated that it's not available on DVD over here so am downloading it on Itunes – one episode a week is just too slow for me. Apparently season 2's good too then? Great to have that to look forward to 🙂

  12. LMN

    Yes! This summer I felt that way too – scattered, done with one thing (or in the middle of it), and on to the next already! Pointless, at times, unscattered, but okay with it.

    I like that that may be the whole idea for summer. 🙂 To NOT be focused.

    Love your writing.

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